After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
