i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
