he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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