I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
