i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize