Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
