6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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