Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
