I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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