U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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