'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
