At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
