I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
