highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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