I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
