If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
