what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
