I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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