Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
