I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
