There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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