Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
