I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize