the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
