I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
