AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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