You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
