Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
