he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
