you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sober January is a disaster.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
