nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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