Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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