I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This baby is an asshole
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
