Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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