I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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