you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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