You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
