I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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