I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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