The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
