he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
