i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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