I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
