If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
