Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
