i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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