wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
then he tried to convert me to islam
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
