If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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