Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
