You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
