I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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