I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
