I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
