So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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