After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
