Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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