I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
