I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Green mimosas i think yes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize