We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ok first of all what the fuck
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize