ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
